I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. When will I learn? The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV! Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. Radioactive Man Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly” and replace “dog” with “son.” What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway. You don’t win friends with salad. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love! Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix. Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There’s a *New* Mexico? Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone. Rosebud Ahoy hoy? I’ll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love! Cape Feare Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix. Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box… Uh, no, they’re saying “Boo-urns, Boo-urns.” Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark. “Thank the Lord”? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion. I didn’t get rich by signing checks. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. This is the greatest case of false advertising I’ve seen since I sued the movie “The Never Ending Story.” When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun. The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show I hope I didn’t brain my damage. Jesus must be spinning in his grave! Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box… Duffless I prefer a vehicle that doesn’t hurt Mother Earth. It’s a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction. I was saying “Boo-urns.” Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?*
The Day The Earth Stood Stupid
Fry! Stay back! He’s too powerful! I’ve been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? I love you, buddy! The Deep South Good man. Nixon’s pro-war and pro-family. Say it in Russian! You lived before you met me?! Ooh, name it after me! Oh, I think we should just stay friends. Why would a robot need to drink? Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There’s only one reasonable course of action now: kill Flexo! You, a bobsleder!? That I’d like to see! Maybe I love you so much I love you no matter who you are pretending to be. I Second That Emotion It’s just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns. Also he got a race car. Is any of this getting through to you? It must be wonderful. You’re going to do his laundry? In our darkest hour, we can stand erect, with proud upthrust bosoms. I decline the title of Iron Cook and accept the lesser title of Zinc Saucier, which I just made up. Uhh… also, comes with double prize money. I am the man with no name, Zapp Brannigan! Put Your Head on my Shoulder You know, I was God once. Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools. Ah, yes! John Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree. THE BIG BRAIN AM WINNING AGAIN! I AM THE GREETEST! NOW I AM LEAVING EARTH, FOR NO RAISEN! Calculon is gonna kill us and it’s all everybody else’s fault! Ah, yes! John Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree. I love you, buddy! Anthology of Interest I Bender, hurry! This fuel’s expensive! Also, we’re dying! Spare me your space age technobabble, Attila the Hun! Stop it, stop it. It’s fine. I will ‘destroy’ you! Anthology of Interest I Yes, I saw. You were doing well, until everyone died. Yes, I saw. You were doing well, until everyone died. I never loved you. Take me to your leader! Hey, whatcha watching?
